If things were to go as planned, at this moment I would be in my 14th hour of running for #Adventure4Life in order to raise money for Epic Experience. But, things didn’t go as planned. As many of you already know, I sustained an injury to my right ankle and shin bone.
I tried a multitude of hippie cures with extreme optimism: I applied coconut oil, castor oil, Dit Da Jow, soaked it in Epsom salt, etc. But unfortunately, all of my optimism and hippie formulas aren’t going to speed up the still patience of recovery. When I made the decision on Thursday to listen to my body and that I was just not going to be recovered enough to run this weekend, I decided to give the injury real legitimacy. Not that I didn’t recognize it for what it was in the first place, but I took the time to slow down and realize just how much pain tolerance I have and where it hurt if I truly let myself feel the aches and pains.
Truth be told, I’m worried about the possibility of a hairline fracture in my shin bone. Have I gotten it X-Ray’d? No. I am torn. Why would I get it X-Ray’d to just simply know it’s fractured? A doctor cannot really do anything for a hairline fracture but what I’m doing now: walking in a boot, icing, not doing any activity, elevating it, and hippie curing the heck out of. Well, okay, maybe a doctor would avoid suggesting the hippie parts of my cure. Oh, and did I mention drinking beer? That’s probably one of the top cures on my list currently. 😉
*Sigh*. However at the end of the day, being still is excruciatingly arduous. I constantly seek to be outdoors, climbing, running around, breathing fresh air, traveling states, walking through fairs, playing with my dog – whatever I please.
This sitting around, unable to do the majority of things I have had the privileged of doing all year long.
This inability to run for the weekend and feeling like a failure.
This disappointment of injury.
It all creates a raging fire of turmoil within my soul.
Really, this situation reminds me of my 22 year old self when I was approached with a serious conversation about relaxation. In fact, it was a challenge. I was asked to just sit, breathe, and relax. “Hah! Relax?!” I said. “How hard can that be? Everyone knows how to do that!”
I was clearly misguided. Not only were my thoughts defective, but I realized I had no idea how to relax. It was astonishing to me how I had to actually create a conscious effort to relax (and furthermore to be okay with relaxing!). Now it seems over the years, I have since forgotten this notion of relaxing and knowing that inactivity at times can be okay.
So here I am. Learning the same lessons in life over once again. Attempting to grasp this art of being still. Breathing in the subtleties of patience. Desperately trying to be okay in the uncomfortable arms of inactivity.
How have injuries impacted you? Any advice for a girl trying to learn this long lost art of being still?
© /skin/ /ˈpōətrē/