Exiting – a letter away from Existing.
I am so tired of feeling as if the detail of my work goes unnoticed. Just be patient; maybe they will commend you one day. I’m disappointed that I was not offered the opportunity to grow my career. Maybe they are right and you do not know enough to deserve the opportunity. What if I’m truly just not good enough? Why would that be the case when you pour more than enough loyalty and honesty into your work. Bottom line: I no longer feel the same way about my 40+ hour a week job as I did. Well, change your attitude and perhaps there is a possibility to thoroughly enjoy your position again. I’m upset about this. But just breathe and let the rain blow over. I’m getting angry about that. No need to get angry; it just isn’t worth it. I’m dreading going here. I wish I was there.
One day, I’m going to really get everything together, and when it feels right, I’m just going to quit.
This has been my inner dialogue for quite a while now. One day this turns into another day that turns into just another week that turns into months down the road of telling myself over and over that things will get better and if they don’t get better the time will come where it feels right to just let go.
Then it hit me. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the time to just feel right for an unnecessary amount of time now. So I started asking myself and people who I admire and people who have been my ever so loyal mentors:
How does one just quit?
The answer I received time and time again was much too simple.
Well, darlin’, one does just that.
Too simple right?
I quit my job this week on Tuesday. Of course there have been a multitude of large catalysts that culminated in this major life decision. But I did it. I quit.
My last day is today.
Oh man. Did you feel that breath?
Truth be told, I would be nowhere right now if it weren’t for the multitude of people who have helped me along my path.
– I slept on a couch from August of last year to April of this year with a wonderful woman who gave me a slew of tools for my tool kit. Heck, she even fixed the drawers and spiffed up the colour a bit. And her daughter (my friend) was always at my side ready to lend a hand, an ear, a back massage, a cuddle, etc. Even when my car died at the beginning of the year, they worked with me for 3 months until I could get my own wheels again. Mind you, this was in the dead cold of a miserable winter on the top of a mountain.
– Currently I live in the basement level of a house with one of the most amazing families I’ve ever met. They have three children (4, 6, 9) who have been a delight to watch as they grow and become a little human who participates in this world. Watching the interaction between the parents and the children has been incredibly healing to me. Also, they happen to be great mentors, resources, and friends as I continue to learn and grow in my life’s journey.
– Friends. Oh man. What would I do with out you? Being constantly reminded that I’m cared for, that I’m beautiful, that I’m great, that I’m smart, that I’m a <insert a multitude of things I don’t believe here> over and over and over again has been so humbling. So to all of you who have told me things that I just brush off, thank you for being persistent and forcing me to hear the things I needed to hear time and time again. Don’t stop quite yet. 😉 Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for the free meals, free hugs, and amazing adventures (along with the pounds and pounds of kale and a bottle of wine from my little gnome every now and then).
– And to my therapist. Yep. I was in therapy for 5 years and I just put myself back in. This woman is amazing and always finds a way to make me smile. So I shared some of the things that have spiraled as of recent and here’s what she said:
“If you would anoint me the Desert Fairy, I wave my wand and decree that you need to GTFO of town.”
There’s just not much greater than that. So it is with a heavy heart that I’m leaving some amazing people today who have given me the opportunity to grow in many ways, who have been willing to teach me, help me along in my journey, and most importantly stand back and let me make my own mistakes.
So today. I quit.
And with a momentary lament, I have had to let go and I couldn’t be happier with my decisions. So here’s a cheers to existing gracefully.
“There’s a trick to the ‘graceful exit.’ It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.”
― Ellen Goodman
© /skin/ /ˈpōətrē/